It’s getting cold now, for good. Even here, in Piraeus. Slowly Autumn becomes Winter. We’re deep into the Jazz Season. Jazz, strolls in the center of Athens, coffee in warm, tasteful little Cafés, search of new acquaintances for the Winter. Long sleeve shirts and at night maybe a jacket. And, of course, lazy Sunday mood.
And in all of this, myself. Not only bisected, but tri-sected, maybe worse. In one month I have to start my military service and I’ve decided to end the (love) story with L. for good, someone could say that I’m finally in flirting mood. Relaxed mood, new perspectives for the future, calmness. But why am I still thinking about Munich? Why am I still living (in my imagination) in Salonica, in the same house that I spent last Winter and why do I want to go to Ioannina again?
We humans, we are very stubborn. We can’t seem to understand that something is over for good. We hang tightly on a situation and we don’t want to let go easily. We keep on living our stupid dreams, trying to ostentatiously ignore the fact that reality has no connection to them anymore. At the beginning, dreams and reality have a common point. You have a compass, you think that by following it, you will find happiness. Both of you think that. You fall in love, you get closer, you fall in love a little more. Slowly, dream and reality start to separate from each other. In your head, this should have happened. “This” would have made you happy. Why did the other thing happen instead? In the first signs of this phenomenon, you have to sit down and think. Only you, by yourself. You are alone in this. No friends, no family, no random guys, no experts. You and only you. How big is this differentiation? How far does it take you from your dreams? Is it your fault, is it the other person’s fault, is it noone’s fault?
The next step is to take a decision. Will you keep on fighting to go back to the path of your dreams, or will you admit your defeat and leave before it’s too late? Why do you always choose the first one and never the second? No matter how old you are, no matter how many times you’ve fallen on your face, you stubbornly insist on choosing the first one… Is it that difficult for you to say that you lost? Because you lost, bro, this is the end. Game over. Admit it. There’s no point in fighting anymore. And, goddammit, you’re not alone in all of this. There’s another human being at the other side. She/he is exactly like you, even if you don’t understand it. You have the same dreams, the same insecurities, the same problems. And both of you just declare that you want a human being to understand you, to feel you, to love you, maybe. A message in the morning, when you wake up, and one before you go to sleep. Just a “good morning” and a “good night”, it’s that simple. But you make it complex. You tried it, it didn’t work out. Let it go…
The adjustment is very difficult. It demands thousands of virtues, virtues that not all of us have. Basically, almost no one has them. Even after months that you think you are “clean”, you can backside easily. You can seek her/him out, you can send messages, search for her/him. Maybe you’ll get lucky. That’s your problem. The main problem thought is this: if you don’t do that, are you ready to go on? And if you are, when? What is better for you? To wait until you feel completely ready, or start searching for someone new and feel ready in the meantime? Which is more significant for you, loneliness or avoiding hurting another human being? As Ted from “How I Met Your Mother” says: “Everyone’s got some baggage”. You have yours, the other one has hers/his and you burden each other with them. But if the other one is serious about you and wants you to be there for him, what do you do? Do you wait to “feel ok” and you lose chances in favor of your ex? Or do you go face down into something that maybe, in the meantime, you’ll decide it doesn’t suit you and you end it ingloriously, having wearied and burdened the other person without any reason?
Relationships exist, without any doubt, to have a good time and feel good, not torture ourselves and definitely not stress ourselves about everything. I have proudly explained that, many times and in many different situations. The problems, though, begin, with the realization that both people are not in the same state. One is obviously excited, in love, makes plans for the future… And what about the other one? The other one makes plans for the past. And if the other person is good, interesting, serious and decent, your dilemma gets bigger, the decision more difficult. Is this the chance for a new beginning? Am I ready, though, to let myself go into a new relationship? And if the past comes back? It won’t come back, that’s for sure. But you’re a bit of an asshole, aren’t you? An asshole, a dreamer, a romantic, but mostly an asshole. Every time you go to sleep, you daydream that the next day your past will come to your feet. It will ask for your forgiveness, it will tell you that it loves you, that it wants you back together. And, in that case, what do you do with your new “conquest”, mister Asshole? Will you have the balls to say “no” to your past in favor of the present, or will you succumb for yet another time, hurting more people to fulfill your “dreams”?
Winter is coming… Time to move on.